A Season of Transition

So it has been crazy lately and I have barely had a moment to think, much less sit down to write a post. Here are a few updates:

1. Getting married in 42 days and am soooo ready!

2. Moved to Springfield and am setting up the house and loving it!

3. Traveling back and forth from Hot Springs, Ar to Springfield, Mo – getting very familiar with this drive…

4. I hate being away from my wonderful fiance’

5. The Lord is teaching me a lot about being flexible – very little goes exactly as planned

6. Getting trained for my new position and trying to to chip away at the teaching and counseling materials on drives and very rare down moments

7. I have been discovering that I am not too bad at cooking!

8. I have many topics I would love to blog on but just don’t have the time right now…

If it’s God…

A statement that absolutely drives me insane is when people say, almost helplessly, “Oh, if it’s God then it’ll happen.” As though God reaches down and forces our hand or will. God has given us the freedom to choose. We can choose life or death, Him or ourselves, obedience or rebellion and the list goes on and on. Now, do I believe God will open doors for us? Yes. Do I believe that God will give us wisdom and direction? Absolutely. I believe He loves it when we seek Him and when He trust Him no matter what is going on. But I do not believe what God wants to have happen will just simply happen. God always used people to bring about His work. Sometimes He doesn’t just open the door for us, because He wants us to believe so strongly in what He has told us in on the other side that we are willing to kick the door in to get to it. But people will believe they heard God about a job or a relationship or something and they have a vision for what needs to happen, but when things get tough or its not easy everything changes. All of a sudden they no longer have “peace.” I believe relief is very often mistaken for peace. Now, yes, sometimes we miss it, and sometimes we are wrong, but I think we are too easily ready to give up and pull back rather than push forward and fight for what the Lord has put in our hearts or in our lives. Instead of saying, “If it’s God it’ll happen” it should be, “If it’s God I will fight for it.” There are too many things that God does want happening that are not happening because Christians have washed their hands of the task. 

*Obviously there is a balance and we cannot just stubbornly push for what we want to see happen and then call it God. I am aware of the ditch on the other end, but this particular blog entry was intended only to address that side. Another to come soon!

My Love/Hate Relationship

About a month ago my family took a trip to Disney World. It is a pretty long drive from Arkansas to begin with, but somehow my family turned it into a three day trip. During the long drive I had a lot of time to think about a lot of things. Interrupting many of my thoughts was this thought, “I love that I’m going, but I hate this drive!” Tomorrow I leave for Baton Rouge once again. This time my fiance’ and I are going down so he can meet the rest of the family. I’m pretty excited about getting there and seeing everyone and all of that, but I am dreading the drive. I love the destination; I hate what it takes to get there. I hate that I have to spend money to fill the car with gas and that at some point in the trip I have to spend more money on food and drink. This always means that at some point I also have to stop for the bathroom. Before any of this takes place I hate that I have to pack up a bag that always ends up heavier than I meant because I feel the need to pack for the unexpected! Then when I finally arrive at my destination I hate the process of unloading the car and putting everything away. Yet once I get where I am going I am glad to be there, no matter how long or miserable the trip might have been. I have a love/hate relationship with traveling. I love going places, seeing people and doing things…I just hate the process of getting there.

It occurred to me the other day during another long drive that this is exactly how many Christians live. We love the thought of becoming more patient or of stepping into a vision God has placed in our hearts, we just hate what it takes to get there. We love the destination, but hate the process. We want to grow in wisdom and integrity, but we hate the correction and accountability that produces it. We want to be mature in the Lord and to have depth in our walk with Him, but when we begin to face trials and storms in life we get frustrated and are often tempted to simply quit. Sometimes it takes us awhile to find breakthrough in a particular area in our lives and we feel like we will never get there. It’s a love/hate relationship. We love God and we desire to be more like Jesus and to walk by the Spirit rather than flesh. We just hate the process that kills our flesh and squelshes our selfishness.

I am not trying to say that we will ever LOVE the process…I don’t think I will ever love long drives. I am saying that our love for the desitination must always outweigh our hatred of the process. If it doesn’t we will grow stagnant and either never leave the comfort of our home, or be stranded and frustrated on the side of the road. Now it is good at times to stop for fuel and to grab a bite to eat, even to rid yourself of trash or have a bathroom break. There are times we get a flat tire and get held up changing it. But we must never forget the destination and the reward that comes when we get there!

The Official Engagement Story

Ok, so I have always said that when I get engaged I want to laugh. This could be because I always get awkward in real mushy moments or because I hate how red and blotchy I get when I cry…either way, I knew I did not want it to be a crying moment. I also knew I wanted a story that was unique, one that when I told it there wouldn’t be an echoing chorus of, “that’s what we did too!” behind it. Well, Carl did an amazing job of making it fun, memorable and a complete surprise! It is not an easy thing to surprise me. I have an uncanny ability to guess the most unlikely things! haha anyway, on to the story: (warning: I am including all the details of what lead up to everything, so it will be lengthy)

Carl loves to fish and had been talking for awhile about us going to Lake Ouachita. I am not really that into fishing, but I don’t mind it either. I thought it would be really relaxing so I was actually looking forward to it. So Saturday came and it was getting close to the time he was supposed to pick me up and I was busily trying to finish up some work I was doing. He called and told me to take my time and call him when I finished and we were in no rush. I ended up getting done on time and called him to let him know I was ready. No answer. I texted. No answer. Now, you have to realize that I’m a person who likes to be on time and on task (even if it is just hanging out). I waited a little while and then tried his phone again. Still no answer. At that point I figured he must have fallen asleep. I was right (or at least I thought I was)! An hour and a half later he calls and then picks me up. He tells me that it is still too hot outside and we need to let it cool down more, so we decided to grab some food and make a Wal-Mart run. On our way back to the car, Carl tells me that in the process of waking up and gettin over to pick me up he totally forgot to grab the fishing poles. He decided it was best to drop me back at my house to put a few bottles of water in a small cooler and let him run back for the poles. I am doing my best to just go with the flow and not worry about having a set plan, and I actually did a really good job! It must have been the help of the Holy Spirit! So finally we have everything we need and drive out to the lake. It had cooled down considerably but was still really hot. 

We walked down to a spot on the lake and set up our chairs. Carl started getting the poles ready and was already beginning to sweat pretty badly. I realized we had left his towel in the car and offered to go get it. This ended up being perfect because he had purposely left something in the car and was about to ask me to go anyway, but the fact that I offered made it that much better! While I was getting the stuff from the car it gave him a perfect opportunity to set everything up. I had no clue anything was going on. 

We fished for a good 30 minutes when Carl came behind me, hugged me and told me for the first time that he loves me. It was an amazing moment in and of itself. I told him I loved him as well. He then told me that the anticipation of telling me was more intense that he expected and his heart was pounding like crazy! Mine was more in the fluttery at that point. Haha! For whatever reason I decided to ask him if he had planned to say that today or if it was just a spontaneous thing. He thought it was so me to ask something like that and just laughed at me. We went back to fishing, but weren’t having much luck. 

I forgot to mention that he brought three poles out. We each had a pole and then he had tight lined a catfish pole as well. After being out there a total of an hour and a half the sun had gone down and we both had gotten a few bites. The view from where we were was magnificent, especially as the sun was setting. We were standing about mid-calf in the water and it felt great! He got excited about something on the catfish pole, but I was locked into the bite happening on mine. All of a sudden he was yelling for me to help him with his and I saw that his pole was bending and he was fighting to reel it in. I dropped my pole and went over to him and he was telling me to stay in the water to help bring up the fish as he brought it in. I was totally confused and thinking I don’t know how to catch a catfish! As it came nearer though I could tell it was not a fish on the end of the line. I thought it was a can and was telling him. He told me to pick it up and see what it was. When I did I pulled out a huge replica of a diamond ring (fits on my wrist!). Obviously at this point I figured out what was happening and was absolutely in shock. I started laughing and turned to him with what he says was a priceless expression. I was like, “No way?!?” and he dropped to one knee and asked me to be his wife. Of course, I then said yes! I am now a HUGE fan of fishing!!! haha 

and that is our story!

A Whole Lot of Change

There have been a lot of changes in my life since January, but none them have anything to do with our new President…haha! Life has brought me curves I could have never predicted. I think I am beginning to glimpse the proverbial “hindsight is 20/20″ place concerning the last few years of my life. So many things that the Lord was doing and working in and out of me were so frustrating and confusing, but now I can see so much clearer. God is so incredibly faithful and good, in ways we often can’t understand in the moment. 

Anyway, here is a brief synopsis of what has been going on:

1) I am getting married on October 16th! I am very excited! Though our relationship has been short and has had its share of surprises and obstacles it has been full of peace and purpose. Carl is an incredible man with a heart for the Lord and an amazing vision for reaching people with the Gospel. So much I could say or get into here but for lack of time I will leave it there for now. 

2) Shortly after we get married we will be moving to Springfield, Missouri. 

3) In Missouri we are blessed to have the opportunity to plant a Teen Challenge for Women! We are thrilled!

Those are the three main highlights and I am pretty pumped about them! I am sure diving into all three of those at one time will present some challenges but I feel confident that what God calls us to, He equips us for. I know that in the midst of all the business it will be imperative to stay locked into the Word and to keep my pursuit of Jesus the most important thing in my life. That, of course, is easier to say than to do, so please pray for us when you think of it!

Quick Updates

I have been pretty busy lately so I am going to give a few quick updates of what has been, is and will be going on:

1) I miss my nephew Truett Jackson Wilson and am so ready to see him again! (and I want to see his parents)

2) God uses the most unlikely situations to produce great things in our lives, we just have to be willing to look at what is right in ront of us, even f it’s not where we thought we’d be

3) I am going to Disney World for the first time in four years! and I am VERY excited!!!

4) Met some friends out at a camp site and decided I might not mind being an occassiona outdoors person!

5) I started a freelance graphic design company called Intelligent Designs

6) I can’t stand it when people say, “If it’s God it will happen.” – a blog to come on this subject

7) I am very happy my brother is in town

I am pretty dang excited about the direction my life is gong right now!

9) I have an amazing boyfriend who is an absolute blessing in my life!!!

10) I have recently put together some interesting facts that could explain a lot of the health issues I’ve dealt with for years

11) I have been going through serious crawfish and crab withdrawls…you’d be amazed at the lengths I go through to get them!

A Few Thoughts

It is about 2:30am and I find myself unable to sleep. Probably because I have been sleeping a lot the past few days due to an allergic reaction to mangos that has caused me to live on benedryl. Not so much a fun experience! Anyway, I have just been laying here thinking of how amazing and faithful the Lord has been in my life. To be honest there have been quite a few times in the past year or two that I did not regard Him as either. I was very disappointed and confused with how some things in my life had turned out. I am not at all where I thought I would be at this point. Today I attended what was supposed to be my graduation from a bachelor’s program in Bible college. I saw each student stand and give their speech, they thanked family, friends,and teachers. I am close to many of them and enjoyed seeing them graduate. In the back of my mind I couldn’t help but wonder what they will be saying 5 years from then…even 1 year. Life often turns out very different than we intended, for good or bad. There are twists and turns we could have never anticipated. I don’t remember a time in my life before now that I didn’t have a 5 step plan mapped out for myself. I have always been a highly motivated person. I prided myself with always having direction and purpose. Now I find myself not even knowing what the next few months of my life will look like, much less the next few years. I do not mean any of this in a depressing way, quite the opposite actually! It has been very freeing for me. I still strongly believe that we should have purpose amd vision in our lives, I just undertand it in a different way than I ever have before. I used to think that I had to get every step exactly right or I would miss out on God’s will for my life, or I would screw up His purpose for me or something. The past few weeks have changed my mind. I have had some of the strangest experiences over the last year or two and at the time they confused and frustrated the heck out of me. But the Lord kept me hooked in and would not let me run from it. He would not let me move on and ignore what He was trying to do. We dealt with some painful, confusing, hard issues in my life and we did it together. Haha, I had some of the most real conversations with God, and He didn’t hold back with me…well, I am sure He did, but sometimes it didn’t feel like it! All I can say is that on this side of it I find that it is getting more and more difficult to doubt Him. I see His hand at work and I have learned to trust it. He has given me freedom I cannot even begin to express! He is faithful and patient with me as I learn to trust and obey Him. He uses even my folly and mistakes for His glory! What an amazing God I serve and what an honor to be called His daughter! My purpose and my vision now is centered on being His; on knowing Him intimately and making Him famous for the rest of my life!

If at first…

There is an old cliche’ saying that goes something like this…”if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Now, I know that we are living in a culture that is tired of trite sayings and cliche’ answers, but I think this one (among others) deserves a little of our attention. I am all about finding fresh relevant ways to communicate, but the truth or wisdom of old sayings are not diminished simply because they are cliche’. My brother-in-law Shawn (shawnwilson.wordpress.com) and I were talking last night about how it seems the Christian church has very little stamina. Most often I see two things happening with Christians: 1. they quit as soon as they fail (meaning anything from ministry to following Christ all together) 2. they are too timid and afraid to try anything at all. No one was ever used by God in a great way without taking a great risk. I can’t help but think that God is a little more than bored with the average person in the American Christian church. I do know there are exceptions and maybe you are one…maybe. I pray that I will be one, not so  can judge and condem, but so that I can be an acive part of building God’s kingdom here on earth.

A few months back a missionary came to HPC and was sharing a few stories of what he and his family had experienced as missionaries to a hostile area of Africa. He and his wife and their 3 kids moved there to minister the gospel of Jesus Christ to a place almost no one was willing to go. He recounted a time where they were robbed in their small hut. He and his family were tied up with electrical wires and their home was being torn apart in reach of money and resources. Apparently the robbers did not find all they wanted because they looked at him and his wife and demanded more. When they told him they did not have more they shoved a gun into the side of his head and told his wife that if she did not tell them where to find more they would shoot him. She responded by saying they would have to kill them then because they had no more to give. The man immediately attempted to shoot him, but the gun would not fire. After a few tries one man asked if they were Christians. When they replied that they were missionaries, every one of their attackers dropped what was in their hand and took off running. He said that when he reads the Scriptures and it talkes about God being their sheild, protector, provider, peace and strength it is so much more than words on a page for him. He is now able to read them and point to areas in His life when God was exactly that for him.

In the last few years I have had experiences (though not near as intense as the missionary and his family) that have allowed me to the God of the Bible active and working in my own life. Now, I have not done everything right and have gained a lot of wisdom from my mistakes. I can say, though that because of the things I have experienced with the Lord He has made it very difficult for me to doubt Him. That doesn’t mean that I don’t get frustrated with Him for things that happen, it just means that no matter how frustrated I get I know that He is true and faithful and wanting to experience my life with me. God’s Word is either true or it is not and He says that He works all to the good of those who love Him and are called to His purposes. I believe with all that I am that His Word is truth and it gives me the freedom to step out and take a risk with God. I do not fear failure like I used to. I do believe we are to use wisdom and do the best we have with what we’ve got, but we will be learning and growing for as long as we live. He is faithful to use even what we consider to be failures because as Paul wrote to Timothy, “He is faithful even when we are unfaithful, for He cannot deny Himself.”

The Love of the Church

In the past few months my heart has burned like never before to see people come to know Jesus. I wanted people to know Him before, but not in the same way. I believe that this change began during my time in Baton Rouge, where I attended Healing Place Church. They truly have heart for reaching and serving people for Jesus. My heart was really stirred for those who are living with the hope of Jesus Christ. I think before it was because I wanted to help them fix the issues and their lives. Now, I’ve realized that all of that means nothing unless they actually know Jesus. He has literally been breaking my heart for people. I have never been someone who cried easily, but lately when I have seen people turn their lives over to the Lord it wrecks me. Tears fill my eyes because they have just encountered the Love of the God of all Creation!!!!

One young lady has been on my heart lately. She gave her life to Jesus about two weeks ago. I got her number and talked with her the next day for a good thirty minutes. She shared with me a few things that were going on in her heart and was excited and a little overwhelmed. Early in her life she had gotten mixed up in a rough lifestyle. She lived on the streets and her life had been spent surviving any way she could. She knew that Jesus was what she needed and that what she experienced the morning before was more real than anything she had ever known. She told me that meeting Jesus was better than any high she had ever been on.

Now, God has truly been doing a great work in Christian Ministries Church here in Hot Springs. I can feel God moving to break down the idols of religion in people’s heart and turn them back to God. Last Sunday there was a baptism for a few people who had given their hearts to Jesus and while I was out of town and unable to be there I heard from this girl that half the church showed up to see her baptised. She was amazed at their love and support for her. She had never been shown that without having to first give of herself. She kept saying to me, “They don’t even know me and they still came.” This made my heart very happy!

This woman probably has some tough choices and moments ahead of her as she the desire of her heart changes from fulfilling her flesh to wanting to please the Lord, and I pray that the church continues to be a place of refuge and grace for her. I pray that as she grows in maturity and faith she also grows in mercy and grace who will need the same Savior she and I have been saved by.

Obsession

Ok, so I was able to share the Word of God with the college students at ALCC’s chapel on Thursday and it was awesome! Now to try to condense my 11 pages of notes into something readable for a blog…this should be interesting! this has been something God has been working in my heart for months, and probably will continue to work in me for as long as I remain on earth. After He showed it to me in my personal life, He began to show it to me on a larger scale inside the American church. I am sure it expands beyond us, but the American church is where I will address it for now. Last year while I was sick I was introduced by my sister and brother in law to the world of podcasts. I love them! I listen to them constantly and I love being able to hear what God is doing in other places around America, and even around the world. Even more recently I have been introduced to the world of blogging (and I am finding my place among them!) and that is even cooler to me in ways because I get to see/read what is going on in the hearts of individuals. There is something I have been noticing in what I have heard and what I have been reading and it is this: the American church has an Obsession with Law. Now, no one wants to admit that they are lead, motivated or driven by Law. No one brags about being legalistic. But we trick ourselves because we don’t call laws the law anymore, we call them standards. And I hear people brag about their standards and how they are a person of standards all the time. I am in no way saying that standards are bad. I will go as far as to say that I don’t believe the Law was bad, despite the rep it gets (I’ll save that topic for another blog). The problem with standards is they are not enough. That was the problem with the Law. You could never be good enough. But it seems that the American church is Obsessed with perfecting our list of standards. We want to look right, act right, speak right, and be in all the right places. All of those things are great and I could give several references in the Bible where we are called to be different from the world, to be above reproach and to be Holy because we serve a Holy God. The problem is that for the most part we don’t have a purpose behind our standards. If you ask most Christians why they don’t cuss or get drunk there answer will be something along the lines of, “it’s bad” or “it goes against my convictions.” But why? What makes it bad? Why does it go against your convictions? Well, my question (and the question God asked me in my life) is this: what is the purpose behind your standards? If the purpose behind your standards is anything other than to know God and to make Him known then all you are left with is a list of things that make you feel good about yourself. We have got to have an Obsession with knowing God (and from this point on unless I refer specifically to Father, Son, or Holy Spirit, when I say God I mean the Godhead – the Trinity). There are various Scriptures where Jesus reveals that His purpose for coming was to restore our relationship to the Father and to spend eternity in Heaven with Him. In the Great Commission Jesus commands us to go out to the ends of the earth to share the Gospel. He wanted others to know Him. Now making Him known is not the same as making others follow Him. If I were to introduce two people I would say, “John, this is Steve. Steve, this is John.” but from that point on it is up to them what they do with that introduction. John Quincy Adams made a brilliant statement by saying, “Duty is ours, results are God’s.” Jesus says that it is the Father who draws men’s hearts to Himself. It is our job to show Jesus to others, but it is not our job to make them love Him. But we get mad at non-Chrisians for acting like non-Chrisians. I’m not saying we can’t take a stand, speak up, or whatever, but when we put our standards on people who do not yet have a relationship with God we will produce religious people that cannot withstand the weight of life. We might “fix” a behavior but without a relationship with God they don’t have His power inside them to maintain it in rough times. So they fail and mess up and remain frustrated under the burden of religion. Many are failing and not understanding why because they think they are doing all the “right things” and others are frustrated because their effort never seems to be enough. That is because an Obsession with Law is no enough. We have got to have an Obsession with knowing Jesus and with making Him known. He is the one who changes hearts and transforms lives. The word Obsession by definition basically means to never stop thinking about or to be preoccupied by. There is no area of life untouched by an Obsession because everything leads back to it, reminds you of it and revolves around it. When our Obsession is knowing God and making Him known, it affects everything that we do and shapes the way that we do it. When someone has an Obsession they make time and room for it in their lives. My dad has an Obsession with working out, my brother with basketball…I have a small one with American Idol (but we won’t talk about that right now!) and we make time for those things in our lives. It’s that way with Jesus, just because He is an Obsession doesn’t mean time comes easily. He is worthy of our time and attention. And the more I know Him the more I want to know Him. And the more I know Him the more my Obsession to know Him and to make Him known grows.

Well, thats all I have time to get into right now, but there will definitely be at least a second part to this. I haven’t even been able to scratch the surface of what I taught on in chapel! More to come…