Just for the Love of It

I remember when I was a little kid and everything was fun! There were very few things I couldn’t turn into some sort of game or adventure. Even places I did not want to go or events I did not want to take part in I was somehow able to find the fun in it and almost always ended up enjoying myself. Somewhere in the process of growing up I abandoned that ability and recently realized I could hardly find even one thing I did just because it was fun. I’m not saying I should treat life as a game or made up adventure like I did as a kid, but I would love to recover that ability to find the silver lining in whatever it is I am doing. I realized that everything I do has so much purpose, determination to learn, or pressure attached to it that I don’t even know what I actually enjoy anymore. I’m not sure what I do just because. Because it makes me feel alive. Because despite everything else I can’t help but laugh my head off. Because it makes me feel connected to God as the One I enjoy life with. I have become way too serious in my approach to life.

A year or so ago I would have sworn that I didn’t care what people thought, but I have discovered that so much of what I do is connected to what I think people will think. Or at least what I think they will think. I was having a conversation with a friend not too long ago where I stated that there was some style of something that I didn’t think I could pull off. She said she thought I probably could I just wasn’t used to it on myself. She is probably right. There are probably many things that I truly could pull off and really do like but I have tailored what I wear, what I choose, where I go, and the way I do much of what I do because of what I think others will think about what I choose. I told her I just don’t want to be that person who thinks I can pull something off only to have everyone else looking at me going…really? The truth is, I have held back in so many things, even though I would like to wear it, try it, and go there just because of fear of what someone else might think about it.

Well, I have decided I am tired of living that way. Bound. Afraid. Limited. God is taking me through a process of actually finding out who I really am in Him. Not who I have been expected to me. Not who I have made myself look like. But who I truly am. Who He made me to be. I am going to learn again how to enjoy life day and see the fun in life. Jesus came to give us life more abundant and for too long I have just been trying to get through the day. I am sure it will be interesting and surprising both to me and those who are watching me go through it, but I am so excited for the freedom that will come through this process!

I Don’t Have to “Get It”

Most of the time I have more questions than answers when it comes to the realty of the life I see around me. The way God chooses to love us and involve us in what He is doing even though He truly knows us is a mystery to me. I mean there is nothing we can hide from Him. There is no sin He is unaware of in our lives.  There is no motive He doesn’t know about in the deepest place of our hearts. There is no amount of good we can do to make up for our lack. There is nothing we can offer Him. And yet He doesn’t just tolerate us, He seeks us out. There really is nothing impressive about God getting us to “join His team”. God has been speaking to my heart about His resolute love for me and it honestly has been really difficult for me to accept. In my mind I was ready with my list of reasons why that could not possibly be true. Over and over He spoke His message of love over me and I felt like a child who is not sure if they can really believe something a grown up is insisting is truth. There was something in the back of my mind pushing back, thinking surely eventually I will find that this is some scam and I will end up looking foolish and naive for believing it. The truth is that I don’t understand His love. I don’t “get it”. The fact that God’s love will never change for me and is in no way link to what I can or can’t do for Him is beyond my comprehension. Freedom came for me in the realization that I don’t have to “get it!” All I have to do is trust Him and stand on the truth! I don’t have to understand it. I don’t have to explain it. I don’t have to apologize for it. I just have to believe Him. I can just know that because He said He loves me, He actually does. Why? I don’t know. How? I don’t have a clue. But He does! Wow! I know it’s simple, but it was such a wonderful revelation to me when it finally clicked! All I have to do is remind myself that what He says is the truth and I don’t have to “get it” at all for it to be effective. It is always effective. Knowing it just allows us to walk in greater freedom! I am so grateful that He doesn’t wait for me to figure out what He does and why before implementing in my life. There is an incredible freedom in letting go of the need to “get it” and just trusting Him instead. He sees, He knows, and everything is made perfect in Him!